• Parenting Tip # 227
    • When your child enters high school, take him on a spiritual journey through the book of Proverbs. This book of the Bible has some of the best wisdom for life issues, such as how to make good decisions concerning the opposite sex, how to make right choices, how to work, and how to be a faithful and responsible steward of what God has given you.
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    • Parenting Tip # 226
    • Let your children know that God has a special mission for their lives. He has gifted them with abilities, personality, and certain qualities that will help accomplish His plan. You can help them discover their unique gifts by encouraging them in the things that they seem to do well and feel passionate about. As they grow and mature, find creative ways to guide them in using those gifts for God?s glory.
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    • Parenting Tip # 225
    • One of the best ways to instill a missions mind-set in your child is to go together on a short-term mission, here in the United States or overseas. In addition to the impact you will have for Christ, you will find that your child will change in significant ways as he moves out of his normal comfort zone and sees the need that others have for Christ.
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    • Parenting Tip # 224
    • Helping your child to avoid the pornography trap is crucial in a world where the media inundates us with sex and sexual images. Some people are as prone to a compulsive need for pornography as others are to alcohol and drugs. Talk with your child about the dangers of pornography. Help him to make wise entertainment choices, and help him decide in advance how he will handle being confronted with pornography. You can role play various types of situations and discuss how he can respond. For instance, you might discuss what he can do if he finds a pornographic magazine in the trash at a neighbor?s house.
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    • Parenting Tip # 223
    • Talk to your child about the importance of keeping his life pure by guarding what enters through the eyes. Point out to him the dangers of pornography. Aggressively monitor his entertainment habits by asking hard questions: ?Have you been looking at or reading anything at school that you ought not be looking at? When you?re on the computer, are you surfing where you ought not be surfing??
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    • Parenting Tip # 222
    • When your teen takes on a part-time job, help him to understand that he isn?t just working for a boss who is selling pizza or shoes or chicken sandwiches; he is representing Jesus Christ and his family. Encourage him to be the best worker he can be by teaching him to dress appropriately for the job, arrive at work ahead of time, find out what?s expected, work hard, be honest, and to resist pressure from coworkers or a boss to act against his beliefs.
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    • Parenting Tip # 220
    • Much of the on-the-job training for the workplace needs to take place at home as children participate in simple chores and tasks. Try starting your children off with small tasks, like putting the silverware in its proper place after being washed, or dusting. As they grow older they can learn to do larger tasks, such as cleaning the kitchen, taking out the trash, and washing the family car.
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    • Parenting Tip # 216
    • Challenge your children to reject mediocrity. Teach them the importance of striving for excellence in everything you do. Within his God-given capabilities, challenge him to rise above the crowd, to seek higher standards of achievements, and to be all that God has gifted him to be. This involves training him to be trustworthy, to fulfill his commitments, and to do a good job even when nobody is looking.
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    • Parenting Tip # 214
    • Use special occasions to train children how to use the tongue positively. Thanksgiving is a great opportunity for this. Ask each family member to write down five things he is thankful for, and encourage him to think about the others as he writes. Ask each person to share these aloud, then save the lists in a notebook for review the next Thanksgiving.
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    • Parenting Tip # 213
    • For rewarding good behavior/penalizing bad behavior as it relates to sibling rivalry, try this: Put a designated number of dollar bills in a jar. Every time your children go to war and can?t work it out by themselves, take a dollar out of the jar. Put a dollar into the jar when they go out of their way to be kind to one another or are able to work out a conflict. At the end of a designated time period, the children get to split what is left in the jar. If their behavior is so bad that the money runs out, then dip into their allowances.
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    • Parenting Tip # 212
    • Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry:

      *Clearly spell out the boundaries and limits. No hitting. No saying ?I hate you.? No bossing each other around. And no cut-downs. Establish non-negotiable penalties for stepping over the limit.
      *Have your children memorize Romans 12:10, 17.
      *Don?t fuel your kids? competitive spirit by comparing them with each other, by playing favorites, or by constantly putting them in situations where they have to compete against each other.
      *Pray for your children. Ask God to make them best friends. *Pray that He will divinely engineer situations where they have to look out for each other, and applaud them when they do.
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    • Parenting Tip # 211
    • When dealing with sibling rivalry try to let your kids work it out on their own. Get involved only when necessary for the purpose of training and character development. If their differences are not resolved positively, then discipline both children. Inflict pain on both warring parties, perhaps with an extra chore, such as washing the same window from opposite sides?this one is guaranteed to bring a smile!
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    • Parenting Tip # 210
    • Children must come to an understanding that their words impact others?for good and for evil. Train your child to ask himself whether his words honor or dishonor God. He needs to know that he is accountable for every word that slips from his lips, including cursing, slang words that are not wholesome, gossiping or criticizing people behind their backs, and cutting others down.
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    • Parenting Tip # 208
    • Don?t feel rushed about granting driving privileges. Driving is not a constitutional right that every parent must grant on the very day a child is eligible for a learner?s permit or driver?s license. Some children are ready early; others are not. Insist on driver?s education through some type of formal instruction, and impose meaningful restrictions, such as speed limits, limiting him to specific routes and destinations, and enforcing a curfew.
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    • Parenting Tip # 207
    • Watch your child carefully to make sure he is meeting his top priorities, and help him make adjustments if necessary. For instance, midweek youth group meetings and discipleship groups can be very important to the spiritual growth of our children. If your teen is too busy with other activities, then it may be time to review all that the child is doing and trim some of the fat from his schedule so he can go to church.
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    • Parenting Tip # 205
    • Every child?s weekly schedule needs balance. Determine ahead of time how often you will let your child spend the night with a friend. How many days may he go home with someone after school? How many nights during the week may he attend school or church activities? How often may he work? Help your child understand that no one does it all. If you don?t have some kind of boundary, then home can become little more than a pit stop for fuel (food), new tires (money), and water (a peck on the cheek or a pat on the back by Mom or Dad).
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    • Parenting Tip # 204
    • As your child grows older, teach him to make sound, wise decisions in planning so that his schedule is balanced and not overloaded. Knowing the mechanics of time management and how to keep a schedule is helpful, but what?s more important is knowing how to operate from a biblical mind-set, how to form important personal values, how to evaluate the cost involved with any choice, and how to analyze options and make a good decision. This may be the best inoculation to prevent chronic busyness.
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    • Parenting Tip # 203
    • Did you know that you can teach compelling life lessons through your child?s activities? For instance, you can teach the importance of commitment and loyalty. When your child signs up for an activity, do not allow him to drop out unless he is encountering a serious difficulty, such as an abusive coach or a health-threatening situation. Use the opportunity to show him how he needs to follow through on the commitment made to others.
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    • Parenting Tip # 201
    • Consider making the Sabbath a day of rest for your family. Some ideas might be to make sure your children get their homework done by Saturday night, and avoiding shopping or doing chores on Sunday. If the children want to listen to music, insist that it be Christian music, and limit phone calls and visits to family only. During the Sabbath try to enjoy naps, reading, recreation, and relationship building as a family.
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    • Parenting Tip # 200
    • In a fast-paced, busy world, help your child learn the value of quiet and rest. Encourage?insist?that your child spend time regularly just being still. This means not watching television or doing computer games, but reading, listening to soft music, or pursuing calm hobbies. This environment is also necessary for teaching your child how to have a daily time of prayer and Scripture reading.
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    • Parenting Tip # 199
    • It?s easy for parents to let the family become consumed by busyness. Activities and accomplishment become the basis for significance. To keep life properly focused, you should schedule times that ensure attention to priorities. For example, make sure that the entire family eats breakfast (or dinner) together each day, or schedule a special family night each week. Make it non-negotiable.
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    • Parenting Tip # 198
    • If you suspect that your child is involved in substance use or abuse, sit down and find out what?s going on, then administer appropriate consequences. If the drinking or drug use persists, consider drawing up a contract clarifying the behavior you expect from him and what boundaries apply. If all else fails, consider calling on others to help with an intervention, perhaps asking another adult such as your youth pastor to help you confront your child?s substance abuse, or consider seeking the help of a support group or rehabilitation program.
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    • Parenting Tip # 195
    • Parents need to examine their own lives and behavior to make sure that they are not doing anything that would cause their children to stumble. For that reason, many parents refuse to drink alcohol, smoke or use drugs, knowing the probability that their children will imitate their behavior. Make sure by what you teach and how you live that your children understand that happiness and deep satisfaction come only from one Source?God (Psalm 16:11 and 43:4).
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    • Parenting Tip # 192
    • From now until your teen leaves home and moves on to adulthood, you will slowly relinquish control, and the child will increasingly not be at home. In the interest of keeping tabs on how your child is handling new challenges, consider recruiting a network of parents, teachers, youth workers, coaches, employers, and other observers who will feel comfortable in sharing information with you occasionally. If they see your child doing something or going somewhere that they know you would not approve of, they should feel free to call and tell you.
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    • Parenting Tip # 190
    • Teach your child about truth in two ways:

      1. Teach him about Jesus Christ. Jesus said, ?I am the truth.? You expose your child to the truth as you teach about Jesus Christ?s life, His mission, and His teachings. As your child understands what a straight line looks like, he?ll be able to spot the deceitful line.
      2. Teach him the Scripture. Diligently teach the truth of God?s Word through Scripture-memory programs, family Bible study, and Bible verse reminders of what it looks like to obey God when life and truth collide.
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    • Parenting Tip # 189
    • Shaping your child?s convictions about deceit begins as you teach him to fear God (Proverbs 14:27). Teach your child to fear God by teaching him who He really is. He is truth. Love. Holy. Sovereign. Omnipotent. Omnipresent. And more. As our children see us practicing the presence of God in our lives, they too will grow in the understanding that God sees all and that He is to be feared.
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    • Parenting Tip # 187
    • To keep children from building a pattern of deceit in their lives, parents need to model a life of integrity. Watch for the subtle deceptions we adults are so prone to?giving phony reasons for not taking phone calls, failing to keep promises to our children, offering excuses to get out of commitments, and so on. Instead, show your children by your own example how important it is to walk in truth.
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    • Parenting Tip # 186
    • Two of the more disturbing and potentially dangerous behaviors found among teenagers are the binging-purging pattern of bulimia or the starvation pattern of anorexia nervosa. If you feel your child is obsessed with dieting and is looking overly thin, talk to your pediatrician immediately. A team approach that includes a nutritionist, a pediatrician, and a psychologist is particularly beneficial in helping teens to overcome these serious diseases.
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    • Parenting Tip # 185
    • When you are in a standoff with your child about a particular issue, consider asking yourself the following four questions:

      1. Have I prayed about this issue and asked God for wisdom in how to handle it?
      2. Are we in agreement as a couple? God will often use your spouse to balance you in an area where you might be extreme.
      3. Is the issue a clear matter of right and wrong, or is it a preference? If the issue is something in which your child is clearly wrong, then you know what you need to do. But if it?s in the gray area, go slow before drawing your sword.
      4. Is the issue really worth its cost? Try not to make marginal issues too large.
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    • Parenting Tip # 184
    • As a parent you must prayerfully decide which fads (ear piercing, body piercing, makeup, clothing styles, hair styles) are truly sinful, and which are just choices your child can make on his own. If you disagree with your child about a particular fad, listen carefully to him. Love him enough to say no. Hold your ground, because most teens don?t really know what?s best for themselves. It?s good to remember that these turbulent disagreements will pass and that your child most likely won?t remember that they even occurred.
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    • Parenting Tip # 181
    • Parents? outward appearances are a statement of their character and values as men or women. Parents, especially mothers, need to be careful. Children are watching what we wear, how we act, and how we present our body. Evaluate your outward appearance by asking yourself, ?Does my clothing and outward appearance adequately reflect my relationship with Christ? Am I setting a good example of Christian character for my children? Am I cultivating my inner person so that my children will see what?s really important in my life??
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    • Parenting Tip # 179
    • As you teach your child how to properly handle anger, you must help them to embrace two critical principles:

      *Every person is made in the image of God, and you must not tear at or rip away the image of God in another person?even if it?s just Mom, Dad, sister, or brother. Anger is to be taken care of quickly and efficiently before it deteriorates into bitterness, revenge, or even violence.
      *A fruit of the Spirit is self-control. Since self-control acts like a 10-foot-high hedge to contain anger, we need to encourage the growth of this godly fruit in our children.
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    • Parenting Tip # 178
    • Anger should be treated like the red light in your car, telling you that something is wrong?a problem with the oil, brakes, transmission, or power steering. With anger, it could be unmet expectations, hurt, disappointment, and so on. And just as we would pull over to determine what is wrong with the car, we need to train our children to pull off to the side and clearly ascertain the problem and address the core issue, avoiding a possible disaster and further damage.
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    • Parenting Tip # 173
    • Parents need to work at modeling appropriate expressions of anger for their children:

      *Don?t act or speak unless your emotions are under control (being ?quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger,? as James 1:19 directs us).
      *Direct anger at the specific cause rather than spraying anger at your spouse or other people.
      *Seek resolution and reconciliation, not payback.
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    • Parenting Tip # 172
    • One of the most important areas in which a teenager needs training is in how to handle anger. Anger is normal and occurs in every human being. The problem is not the anger itself, but managing it. Teach your child to recognize anger when it comes, understand the cause, express it appropriately, and resolve it properly. Inappropriate expressions of anger include physically harming another, using words that threaten to bring emotional damage to another, or showing disrespect to a parent or other elder.
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    • Parenting Tip # 171
    • You can play some great Decide in Advance games related to media to test your child?s convictions. Try asking your child some of these questions:

      1. You are watching television at a neighbor?s house when a bad video or cable show comes on. Your friend says his parents don?t mind. What would you do?
      2. You are watching one of your favorite TV shows at home when the story becomes dirty. What would you do?
      3. You are at a friend?s room listening to music. The radio is tuned to a popular music station and a song about sex comes on. What would you do?
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    • Parenting Tip # 169
    • Be on your guard about what books and magazines you allow your child to read. Many books (even those schools include as curriculum) may contain questionable content. Children need to be steered away from those books and publications that can stir up romantic or sexual emotions, pornography, books that are overly violent, or that promote drinking, drugs, cheating, bad attitudes, stealing, witchcraft, and so on.
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    • Parenting Tip # 168
    • Did you know that music can affect and influence your child?s emotions and moods, and can play a significant role in romantic relationships with the opposite sex? Help your child choose his CDs, music videos, and radio stations wisely. Evaluate together the lyrics of his favorite songs, and songs played on secular radio. Ask him what the lyrics are teaching him. Discourage him from listening to any radio stations or CDs that do not measure up to Philippians 4:8.
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    • Parenting Tip # 166
    • When trying to find a wholesome movie at the theater for your family, resist the urge to see the newest movie within a week of its release. This way, you have time to collect reviews, seek out other information on the movie?s content, and carefully listen to what others you respect have to say about the movie. Check out the following great resources for help in evaluating the suitability of movies: Screen It! Entertainment Reviews for Parents, http://www.screenit.com and Movie Guide. Ted Baehr has years of experience in evaluating movie content from a Christian perspective. Write him at 3554 Strait Street, Atlanta, GA 30340.
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    • Parenting Tip # 164
    • Try going on a television fast as a family. Pull the plug, and don?t watch TV for a week or a month?whatever you decide as a family. Instead, spend time playing family games, talking and building family relationships, reading and so on. You may find that the benefits to your family are so great, you may not feel the need to ever plug the TV in again!
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    • Parenting Tip # 163
    • Where television is concerned, parents have to be incredibly involved in determining what their children will be allowed to watch and in what quantity. Consider the following:

      *Not allowing television viewing by children without prior approval by a parent
      *Limiting television viewing to no more than 30-60 minutes per day or a certain number of hours per week
      *Videotaping favorite shows. Then you can choose the ideal time for viewing, and save time by skipping over commercials.
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    • Parenting Tip # 161
    • Although everyone has personal tastes in media, parents need to take responsibility for setting and maintaining media boundaries that are for the good of the entire family. The apostle Paul gives us a great media filter: ?Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things? (Philippians 4:8).
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    • Parenting Tip # 159
    • When your child has a bad attitude or other problems as he edges into adolescence, try the following discipline technique:

      Affirm your love. -- A child about to be corrected must be reminded that the parent?s actions have the right motivations.
      Speak the truth. -- Be clear in your communication. Explain what has happened, why it is wrong, and make sure the child understands clearly the offense.
      Call for admission of guilt and repentance. -- The child needs to acknowledge wrongdoing and appropriately express regret.
      Assess a consequence. -- Examples of consequences for this age group may be withholding of privileges, grounding, and so on.
      Reaffirm commitment and love. -- Always end a discussion like this with a final reminder: ?I love you; I want the best for you. I?m in your corner.?
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    • Parenting Tip # 158
    • As parents we must model humility by being teachable, admitting mistakes, and asking for forgiveness. One of the best admissions you?ll ever make to your child is, ?I was wrong; I?m sorry; will you forgive me?? When our children see that we are truly humble, it is a lot easier for their hearts to be receptive and shaped by convictions that we share with them.
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    • Parenting Tip # 156
    • Play the Decide in Advance game with your teen. As your child enters the preteen and teen years, start rehearsing different situations he may face later. For instance, what should a girl say to a boy who wants to park with her late at night? What should a boy do if a girl starts making moves on him? What should your daughter do if her date refuses to let her go unless she gives in to him? The best time to make these types of decisions is long before they might occur.
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    • Parenting Tip # 154
    • Help your child avoid compromising situations with the opposite sex. Train your teen to keep his distance from situations that could tempt him to make wrong choices. Set guidelines for your teen to follow, such as not allowing him to entertain someone of the opposite sex in his bedroom, not allowing him to entertain while you are not at home, and so on.
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    • Parenting Tip # 153
    • Specific boundaries need to be established for acceptable kinds of dates for teens. Even group dates can go awry if the group makes a poor choice on its plans. The best policy is to maintain your right to approve any type of date while your teen is living at home. And be careful about making assumptions about Christian activities. Check it out first.
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    • Parenting Tip # 152
    • Teens need to be taught that the ultimate purpose of dating or courting is to find someone to marry. That?s why it?s so important that teens wait to date. They also need to be very choosy about who they spend their time with in light of that definition. Help your older teens to write down the qualities they want to look for in the person they marry. What values really matter? That list can then become the criteria by which all potential dates are measured.
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    • Parenting Tip # 149
    • There are great benefits to interviewing our daughter?s dates. First, if your daughter knows in advance what you will be asking and is prepared for what it will be like, she will usually feel honored, protected, and loved. Second, because the interview takes place well before the date, dad can evaluate the young man?s character in advance, giving you time to intervene when necessary.
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    • Parenting Tip # 148
    • When a teen makes a wrong choice resulting in sin, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sexual sin, cheating, rebellion, or some other sin, he needs his parents to become God?s arms of love to him, just as God loves us no matter what we do. He still disciplines us, and there is still a consequence for sin, but there is ample grace. Grace that accepts, cleanses, and motivates to do what is right.
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    • Parenting Tip # 146
    • The goal of sex education and instruction with children is not just protecting their virginity, but helping them protect their purity and innocence. Set your sights high and challenge your children to the highest standard, God?s standard. Challenge them in their personal convictions, the movies and videos they watch, the music they listen to, and the friends they choose, and be sure to model purity in your own life.

      **Don?t be afraid to talk to your preteen about sex. You are the protector of his innocence, guardian of his purity, and gatekeeper of his soul. Don?t be afraid of what he?ll think. Go toward your child empowered by God, courageously representing His perspective. God will give you the ability to do this.
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    • Parenting Tip # 145
    • When you broach the subject of sex with your child, press through your fears, inhibitions, memories, and embarrassment. A few minutes of blushing, stammering, and clammy hands will deepen your relationship and could literally save your child?s life.

      **Children need to learn a godly perspective about sex primarily from their parents. Engage in healthy, age-appropriate discussions about sex with your child to help him develop his own godly convictions and to set standards and boundaries for his life.

      **Sex education is another one of those ongoing training opportunities for shaping your child?s attitudes toward life. In addition to the biological facts of sex, be sure to finish the process with moral training. Your discussions should begin with three critical topics: What the Bible says about sex, why God forbids sex outside of marriage, and how to set standards to maintain purity.
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    • Parenting Tip # 141
    • When your child makes a mistake and succumbs to peer pressure, talk through the situation and gently help the child articulate in his own words what went wrong. Role-play the situation to help the child understand how a better choice could have been made. Although discipline may be required, balance it with forgiveness and encouragement. Being a young person is very challenging. He needs to know that you are on his side.
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    • Parenting Tip # 139
    • Help your child decide how he will handle peer pressure in advance. Talk out or role play different situations with your child, for example you can say to your child, ?You are at a friend?s home. No one else is in the house. Your friend produces a pack of cigarettes and asks you to join him for a smoke. What would you do?? Do the same for possible situations involving other issues?alcohol, drugs, pornography, cheating, stealing, going to forbidden movies, sexual temptation, and so on.
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    • Parenting Tip # 136
    • Realize that maintaining control of those who influence your children is within the boundaries of authority granted by God to you as a parent (Colossians 3:20). Help your children to make wise choices of friends. Help them know how to determine the bad apples from the good apples, and make it more difficult for them to get together with those who look like bad apples.
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    • Parenting Tip # 133
    • During your child?s teen years, you may feel like you are losing ground. You may be working hard, pouring truth and your heart into your child, and yet one foolish choice follows another. The temptation is to feel that you have failed and to toss in the towel. Hang in there! Never, never give up! Perseverance is the parenting quality that helps you keep doing all the other important things?the praying, training, staying involved, and setting standards.
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    • Parenting Tip # 130
    • Be involved in your child?s life. Hint: Involvement is more than driving the carpool and never missing a dance recital. Involvement means crawling inside your child?s head and heart to develop a relationship on the soul to soul, heart to heart level. Spend time doing things together that the child enjoys, have date nights with your child, and just hang out talking.
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    • Parenting Tip # 128
    • Pray regularly with your child. Hint: Two of the best times to pray with your child are on the way to school (assuming you drive him) and at bedtime?regardless of age. Pray with him for his future mate, relationships, activities, challenges, temptations and a heart for God. Don?t assume that even a teenager is too big for you to kneel beside his bed and stroke his face and pray.
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    • Parenting Tip # 126
    • A parent with recharged batteries can lead a more purposeful family. Try to schedule two or three getaways a year. Two nights away from the children will not only give you time to remember why you married one another, but can become a spiritual oasis ? a time of renewal and refreshment with one another and God. Single parents need this kind of break, too.
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    • Parenting Tip # 125
    • Make sure your children know that your marriage relationship is a priority. Establish a regular weekly date night with your spouse that your children will acknowledge and respect as your time alone.